Breaking the bonds of sorrow

The bonds of sorrow in losing a loved one gradually loosen their hold as we let ourselves feel the devastation and loss. There is no way around facing the suffering of impermanence and attachment in this human life. For me, the teachings of impermanence and attachment made their way from a conceptual or intellectual understanding to raw experience and eventually led me to deeper understanding. For most, attachment to loved ones is inherent in relationship. You release attachment by meeting it and letting it be there in a moment of thought and feeling as it comes in the initial onset. Feel and let it move through. Sadness and sometimes tears….deep sorrow is like a wave. You surrender. And the bonds are slowly untethered. Then, at a later time, possibly hours, days, months or even years, the same or similar thought or thoughts arise again and create the same feelings. There can be a gentle acknowledgement that this is a bond has already been untethered. You acknowledge that it has already been felt and let go of, a gentle reminder to yourself that it is complete….because sorrow can be endless. Because the bonds of sorrow are so deeply subjective and quite tender, your self compassion, love and strength are your greatest allies. Grief can be a mighty thing and must be traversed with great self care and at times vigilance. Sorrow, non acceptance and resistance are natural in times of loss, especially in the initial stages. There is a complexity of emotions after losing a loved one. It has been said that it takes time. Time may be viewed as a complexity in itself and may be a governing factor for some and not for others. However, there is an aspect of the thinking mind that is oriented '“in time”. It may be helpful to cultivate awareness and observe that the thoughts of the past that are positive tend to be nostalgic in quality. Negative thoughts of the past tend to bring up feelings of guilt and regret. Although reflection on the past may be necessary at a certain point for some, if there is a desire to be free of unnecessary suffering, the present moment of what is actually being experienced mentally and emotionally must be seen. There is a power in observation. This gives way to mindfulness and a conscious awareness of what is. Sometimes we think we are reliving the the past through our memories but I have found that isn’t the case. It is an experience in the present moment of whatever mental and emotional dynamics are present. It could be a sad or joyful recollection. Consciousness ( or present Awareness) doesn’t exist in the past or future. It is existent only now and is not in time. And Love is Eternal.